Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Station. You are listening to IPL Radio.
[00:00:07] Speaker B: And you're back in the studio for all the Things with Jen Jen on Tuesday night at IPL Radio. I am flying solo until Gail gets here.
Sorry we've started a bit late. I had a few technical difficulties getting into the building, but they're all sorted now.
Yeah, a bit of a different show tonight. Last week, Liz and I.
I don't know if you tuned in, but Liz and I had an absolute riot in here, talking about the quirky, strange mental health issues and weird addictions and I was in hysterics quite a bit, so I do apologise, but it was a very fun show. Tonight I'm going to be discussing the spiritual side of mental health and all the things that come along with that.
So while we wait for Gail to get here, I'm going to cut to a song so I can get set up properly and you can enjoy all the Things on Tuesday night at ipl.
And you're back in the studio with all the Things and Jen Jen on Tuesday night. We're still waiting on Gail. So if. Gail, if you're listening, hurry up.
We've had a late start. Sorry, we've had a few issues, but I'm here now. I want to talk firstly about IPL Radio's first fifth anniversary.
It was technically the other day, but we're celebrating this Saturday at the studio. So five years ago today, we started our first broadcast at our studio in Rockingham. We invite you to come and join us in celebrating five years of community broadcasting at IPL Radio and see the plans we have for improving our capacity and reach. With a new podcast room coming, an exciting production room, there's lots happening here and. And you get to come and have a tour.
If you join us on Saturday, we're at Unit 2, 103 on Dixon Road in Rockingham. We'd love to see you. We're throwing on some food and drink and you get a. A tour of the studio. So come and join us on Saturday and that starts at 12 and we'd love to see you there. Just come and support us and so we can keep broadcasting and supporting all of you.
So, yeah, that'll be great to meet everyone. I'll be here and yeah, we'll all be celebrating together, so that'll be awesome.
So, I don't know about everyone else, but I have had one of those weeks and I know it's only Tuesday, but it just feels like it should be weekend already.
I just feel really flat this week compared to last week with Liz and our strange segment we had. I'm just really flat. And I know that a lot of people are sick.
A lot of people have lots going on at the moment.
So I do know that everyone is feeling it.
Shout out to my son who's sick at home.
And yeah, so I do know everyone's feeling something.
But I did, did want to mention, you know, it's important for us all to take care of ourselves in all the ways and do all the things that means emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
I know some people are very stubborn when it comes to their physical health and ignore certain signs and just think it'll be okay. And in light of recent things going on in my life and people I care about, I urge you to go get things checked, especially when things you know aren't right. And don't leave it till it's too late, because then you'll be dealing with a much bigger problem. So go get your boobs checked, ladies and men, and go get all the checks.
Make sure you go in for regular health checks because, you know, you don't want to be ignoring things that turn into something bigger and then having to be dealing with something bigger. I know that is one of the hardest things to go through.
I've been through, you know, caring for people, my mother, different, different loved ones, different friends, going through cancer treatment, different, different kind of health scares. So please, please be mindful and get yourself checked out. I know most men don't like going to the doctors. I don't know what it is, but, you know, you go to work with a broken leg, I'm sure.
But yeah, please go get checked and don't let anything slide because life is too precious and, you know, those little things could all add up to something bigger. And I just want everyone to be okay. So, yeah, that's, that's one thing.
Now, talking about looking after your, your health, I've recently been talking about all the different things I've been doing to, to heal myself.
Now, that goes not just emotionally and doing, you know, different types of counseling. I've been doing trauma therapy.
I've been trying breath work. We had Tim Mitchell from Embrace Breath on here a few weeks ago.
I have done a session with him recently. I did speak about that last week on the show, but there's a lot of other things that are involved in looking after your, your health.
So beyond psychology, the.
You know, there's your soul's role in your healing. So when it's not all in your head, it's in your field too. It's in your energy.
So, you know, you've got to look after yourself in all the ways to really take care of yourself in all the layers. And healing isn't just linear. It's not linear.
It's not neat and clean and whatever, it's messy.
But if you, you know, you do the things that, that resonate with you.
I know this time round I've been called to try different things and you know, and doing the work that I do, I get to help people in different ways as well.
Chakra healing and different things like that. We do reiki, lots of things, you know, energy healing, spiritual healing and things like that.
So, yeah, there are a lot of ways, a lot of different layers to healing and a lot of different modalities out there that, that you should try if you think that normal conventional methods aren't, aren't really your thing.
So, you know, trauma does imprint in your body different ways, not just in physical ailments. You know, you get your PTSD complex ptsd, that's a lot of trauma over a long period of time. And it does, it does culminate into exhaustion and it does actually show up as different physical ailments and symptoms. But it can also be that, know you do need your chakras, your meridians and different things. Your nervous system could be out of alignment spiritually and you could just need a nervous system reset. I did read recently and I do want to try this. They do have the Rockingham Penguins that go, you know, the cold water plunge, they do it down at the Rockingham foreshore and I think they go, 5:30 is the earliest I'm going to try it. So I do know there is a lot of, a lot of positive feedback from doing these cold water plunges.
And I think there's something really cool about trying it in winter. And I know that's weird because, oh my God, it'll be freezing, but it does something magical to your nervous system.
Taking a cold water plunge. Now, I've done this at a Fearless women's forest gathering a few years ago in a dam with a lot of lovely ladies. We all took a cold water plunge early in the morning.
Some of them went in stalkers. And I take my hat off to you.
I did not. But it was still freezing. It was so cold. And for the time I was in there, I was like, why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? And honestly, I got out and I felt so renewed and so energized. It was, it was amazing. And so there's so many different things out there that you can try, that can benefit you health wise and, you know, even your mental health.
And so, yeah, I'm going to be trying with the Rockingham Penguins soon.
That's on my to do list. My to do list is quite big and it changes daily and quite often I don't get all the things ticked off because I do have a busy life and my ADHD does take over and sometimes I, yeah, I just skip things because it becomes overwhelming. But I have read some amazing things about the Rockingham Penguins and they are featured in the new issue of Inspiring, Passionate Lives magazine.
And so am I with my story about Jason Chadfield, the magician musician. I have had in the studio a few times.
So I think the magazine is.
I think it's out now and I think you can grab it from the studio and it will be available at local, different doctors and different places.
But if you're not sure, just send us a message. But, yeah, so there's different ways of addressing different health issues. And it doesn't always have to be a pill. It doesn't always have to be, oh, you need counseling.
There's so many different things out there that I'm not sure if everyone's available, if they're aware of.
Even with the ancestral trauma and generational healing I did last week, that, that was really, that was really different. That was amazing, actually.
And I was really, I was on a mega high from that on the Tuesday and that did reflect in the show. We did have a riot.
Although it was a really funny topic.
There are these things I didn't even know about and, you know, there's so many things out there that if you think that you haven't found what you need to heal properly, then look further because there's so many different things available.
And yeah, we'll be talking more about that tonight.
I will cut to a song and I will be letting Gail in shortly.
I think we'll have some. Oh, let's go with some Michael Jackson. They don't care about us and Gail doesn't care about me because she's not here.
Gail, if you're listening, this one's for.
[00:11:09] Speaker A: You, your voice, your community station. You are listening to IPL Radio.
[00:11:18] Speaker B: And you're back in the studio with all the Things with Jen. Jen on a Tuesday night. Welcome, welcome. That was Craig David, Blast from the Past.
I'm going through someone else's song crates, so I'm finding some good ones, some good old songs or bangers, as you want to call them.
So, yeah, I did mention how important it is to deal with your health in all the layers and all the things.
And it is important to know we're all about mental health matters here at ipl.
And it is. I wanted to talk about mental health, physical health, and spiritual health.
Now, it's quite often we separate these parts of ourselves. Mental health in one box, physical health in another, and spiritual health or spiritual stuff over there with the incense. You know, people think like that, but really we need to think like we're whole humans and healing happens in all the layers.
So tonight I really wanted to kind of unpack what it really means to look after yourself, but your entire self.
So I think it's important to go through all the things on all the things. So why not? Let's do that. So what mental health really means beyond diagnosis. So mental health issues, I mean, if you don't have one, you probably know somebody who does or supports someone who does.
It does affect your mood, clarity, emotional regulation, trauma responses.
So unhealed mental health can manifest physically. Now, I did mention this before. It can cause anxiety, causing stomach issues.
Trauma stored in the body can then start presenting in different things.
Migraines, insomnia, even physical pain. And I've actually dealt with that in the past.
So, you know, your mental health, all the health, your mental health, your physical health, they all tie in together. So it is important to deal with them in. In all the ways.
So, you know, as someone with complex ptsd, I have suffered with panic attacks before.
I do have adhd. I think most of us have some neurospicy over here.
Now, it does shape healing in a different way, and it does make things a little bit more complicated.
And really getting to the bottom of things can take forever. Because I don't know about anyone else, but I know when I start doing things. Yep. You know, you. You get into it, and then you kind of don't follow through.
Now, I'm not really big on.
I'm not the best with following through with everything, but I have just started these natural drops, which are think drops, and I have got a sleep spray, which is natural, that I'm just trying, and it has started making a difference. So I am trying holistically how to treat my adhd, and I am doing all the other alternative holistic therapies that I have been mentioning and I will continue to mention now, therapy with mental health, you know, you can. They do have medication.
And I know there is a lot of stigma around antidepressant antidepressants and anti anxiety medication and other things.
Now not everyone is suited to medication and not all medications are going to suit you. So you know, it is trial and error.
And I don't think that just when you're dealing with your mental health honestly with me, I need to deal with it in, in different ways. And I've, I've done counseling, I've done regular counseling and that honestly did help initially going through different traumas.
But over the years I realized that I was holding the trauma in my body and, and I realized I had to deal with it in deeper ways and in ways I'd never tried before.
And I me going through the journey with my ex partner, when he broke his neck, I learned Reiki which is spiritual or energy healing. That is amazing. Now when I'm feeling Blair, I will get some energy healing from one of our lovely healers at Studio Aura.
And I have been doing the breath work, which I didn't really know much about until we opened the studio. So there's so many things.
So yeah, so sometimes talk therapy really isn't enough. So going to counseling, you know, sometimes it's just not enough. Sometimes you do just need a good cry or a massage or your chakra's done and that's okay. You know, I think it's best to try different things if, if the regular things aren't working for you. Now with your physical health, the body does keep score, right? So mental strain can cause physical symptoms, it can cause fibromyalgia, it can cause adrenal fatigue, autoimmune flares, insomnia, it can cause so many different things.
The effect of spiritual misalignment on energy levels and immunity and pain can also be affected. Now how body based therapies, massage, body sculpting, movement, breath work, they all help unlock different layers of healing.
And so it is important for nervous system regulation through grounding, hydration, nourishment and rest. So they say, you know, the best medicines are sleep, a good diet, water, sunshine, and what are the other ones? I think happiness is good too. But I mean your body, you know, when your body is unwell, it's actually trying to communicate to you that something's not right. So it is important to listen.
And I'm speaking to all the stubborn people out there and myself included.
So yeah, so I have tried and I do do Reiki, but you know, there's so many other different things. And I did want to talk about, as I mentioned before, I am trying holistically how to deal with my adhd and I think with anxiety that I have.
I have tried. I have tried medication, and I. It wasn't for me.
I felt numb and completely not like myself. That's like, I felt the same when I was on ADHD medication.
And so I, you know, it's trial and error, but sometimes these things that the doctors offer is just, you know, sometimes it's just not right for different people, and sometimes it is, and that's fine.
Now, I found with anxiety, and if it's just like an instant trigger, there are some really good techniques you can learn, and there's also some good, you know, quick techniques that I could teach you.
So there is emotional freedom technique, which is tapping, essentially.
And there is one specific gamut point on your hand, so in between your thumb and your. And your pointer finger in that little soft bit there. If you massage that, that actually. Actually is one for anxiety.
And so if you get anxious, you can actually massage that until you. Until you start to calm down. Now, if that doesn't work, there are the grounding techniques that you can use. Now, you know, your feet in the sand or on. On the grass or something is quite grounding. Even going to the beach is lovely. And grounding and the ions are a beautiful therapy as well from the water.
Now, there is a. There is a tip that I learned that I have taught to some of the kids, some of my kids and foster kids, different kids.
You get that one where you.
Five things you can hear, five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can smell, two things you can taste.
And I think there's one thing, something else. But yeah, so if you just go through these, you know, and you pick a color, so five.
What's five things you can see that is red? So that kind of re.
Adjusts your thinking to focus on something other than just being anxious.
And so I used to do this with the kids. I'd say, you know, tell me. Even on. On the way to school, you know, some kids would get anxious, and I'd say, all right, tell me five red things you could see. And they'd start focusing on looking for five red things. So you make it fun. If it's for kids and even for yourself, it's easy. And then you go through, okay, what's four things you can hear?
And, you know, they then have to refocus, and they're not thinking about being anxious. They're not thinking about a bully at school.
They're not thinking about, oh, you know, I didn't do my homework or whatever. They're thinking about things they can hear and see, and it kind of becomes a distraction.
And I have found that if it doesn't work the first run through, you do it again with a different color, you do it again, you know, and it actually does really help.
I have found this, and I do use this technique myself.
Now, you can do different cleansing things at home, so you can have salt baths, you can cleanse your house with, you know, smudging it. And sound healing even is a good one. Now, I have spoken before about binaural beats.
I suffer terribly with my sleep sometimes, sometimes not. But yeah, when I can't fall asleep, I have to play some sleep binaurals, which I have mentioned before.
And you can find them on YouTube. And my problem isn't.
My problem isn't just the falling asleep part, it's the staying asleep part.
So I actually put it on YouTube and then I just. And it does put up a black screen, and I pick the one that's fall asleep fast and stay asleep, and it picks the right frequency to actually activate that in your brain.
And I find that it really, really helps. So you do the sound healing. And sound healing is proven to have great beneficial effects. And it really does help me with my sleep. I do have this sleep spray that I'm now trying as well just to help keep me asleep. Because when you've had crappy sleep, it really does affect your mental health. I know I've had two bad night's sleep from stress in the last few days, and I know I'm feeling it. I'm feeling very flat today.
And so, yeah, I'll. I'll add the sleep spray tonight and. And put on my binaurals. But, you know, there's so many other things out there that, that aren't just taking a tablet, and I think that's important.
So, yeah, you can try affirmations as well.
You know, I honor my mind, I listen to my body, and I follow my spirit. You can try different things, and there's so many lovely techniques out there. It doesn't have to be just a pill or it doesn't have to be just counseling. There's so many different things, and I can talk more about those after a song. Oh, this one's an oldie. Got some Belinda Carlisle with Summer Rain.
And you're back in the studio for all the things with Jen. Jen, we're talking about mental health, physical and spiritual health. Tonight.
I thought I'd talk a little bit about types of therapy that There is and divided it kind of into like mainstream, holistic and spiritual categories and also things that would appeal differently to men and women. So there's cognitive behavioral therapy or cbt so that that focus is changing unhelpful thinking and behavior patterns. Now with men it often appeals due to its structured, logical solution, focused style.
And women helpful for managing anxiety, overthinking and people pleasing patterns. Now it's common for both genders in early trauma recovery and anxiety and depression. So that one is a really good one to try if you're looking for something outside the box other than the talk therapy. So counseling. So obviously with counseling that one focuses on unpacking emotions, past wounds and relationships. And so with women it's said that it tends to be more comfortable for emotional expression and exploring feelings. However with men, they may resist it because there's the social norms one second there's the social norms around vulnerability but benefit deeply once trust is built. So it is good to try. Give it a try.
It is especially helpful for exploring childhood trauma and attachment wounds, which is really good. Now when I've been looking up therapies, there's one I'd actually never heard of before. So gestalt therapy. I hope I said that right. So that's present moment awareness, body language and personal responsibility.
So with men it's useful for those needing to reconnect with present emotions.
And with women it supports boundary work and owning truth without guilt. So it's great for healing emotional numbness and disconnection.
So that's one I'm going to actually have a look into because I've actually never heard of that one. But it does sound a little bit like other ones I've tried. So there's somatic therapy, which is body based therapy. So that's about releasing trauma stored in the body through movement, sensation and nervous system work.
And as I spoke before, releasing the trauma that is stored in the body will stop it from progressing into physical ailments, hopefully if you get it in time.
So with the somatic therapy with men, it's effective for those who struggle to talk it out but feel anxiety physically.
So because its focus is through movement and sensation, those that you know, struggle for talking, it is a is, it is a good, it is a good alternative.
So with women it helps with trauma, especially sexual trauma, chronic illness and hypervigilance.
So and it supports those with fibromyalgia, panic disorders and ptsd.
I haven't actually tried somatic therapy, but if you had and you have any kind of good Experience I'd be interested to hear from you.
Now there's one that you don't really think about was a category that people don't really think about. And it's therapy, like art therapy and music and creative therapy. So the focus with the art and the music is its non verbal expression of emotion through art, sound or movement.
And they say with women it's often drawn to, they're often drawn to journaling, painting and intuitive expression. And men may prefer music or physical creation, things like drumming, sculpting, and there is also graffiti art.
I have done paint and sip workshops before and I have had both men and women do them. And I found that it was therapeutic for everyone. It even for me.
So I think creative expression is a really good form of therapy. It's great for neurodivergent individuals and those uncomfortable with words. So maybe that's why I get my therapy from being creative, I guess.
Yeah. So I also find music is my therapy and that's how I wound up here. But anytime I'm feeling a bit shattered by the world, I like to turn the music up loud, even in the shower.
I stay in the shower longer if the music's on and otherwise I get bored. I wash everything and then I get bored. So I do find a shower concert is therapeutic as well. So we've got inner child and attachment focused therapies. So that's like healing childhood wounds, unmet needs and learned coping mechanisms. So with women it's common in healing codependency like mother and father wounds and rejection sensitivity disorder.
And a lot of neurodivergent people do have that rejection sensitivity disorder. It does come part parcel with a lot of neurodivergent diagnoses. So I have heard that is quite common.
Men often needed but rarely assessed without deeper work. So it supports intimacy and emotional availability. So it is powerful for survivors of neglect, DV or narcissistic abuse. Now I know you can't go a day without hearing the word narcissist.
And that's not because it's a new terminology, it's just more known about now.
And so people are learning more about narcissists now. So we're, we're easier to recognize the signs of a narcissist. So I haven't met anyone yet that hasn't either been affected by one or trying to deal with one or you know, surviving being with one. So I mean this attachment focused therapy is a good way to, to learn how to survive that. And yeah, so that's a Good one to try if you've actually experienced narcissistic abuse. Now back to holistic therapy and energy healing. This is where I excel. So healing, the energetic, emotional, physical and spiritual bodies and women, they often resonate with Reiki, chakra balancing and crystal healing.
And men may prefer frequency therapy, sound healing and grounding breath work.
We do do all that at Studio Aura, but I do know plenty of men that love Reiki. So I don't actually think this.
I don't actually think the gender preferences really apply here because I find any gender really prefers, you know, it's just the individual, really.
So, yeah, so then we come to like group therapy and men and women's circles.
So the focus for group therapy is shared healing in a group space or similar lived experiences.
So women quite often thrive in circles focused on connection, sharing and release. And that's why these retreats that are being offered. I've been to a few retreats and forest gatherings for women and, you know, up to 300 women in the forest.
And it's all about connection, it's sharing, and it is a big release. And you do feel amazing afterwards. And you do get to try some good workshops, some good classes. I know we did laughter yoga. That was really weird.
We did do that cold water plunge. That was pretty cool. But you do get to try, you know, things you probably. Things you've probably never tried before.
So. Yeah, so I do find that, yeah, women do tend to really love these circles and events. I have actually been to a men and women's one. I think it was a harmony retreat and they did offer ax throwing and all kinds of stuff for the blokes and, you know, and then they encouraged both to do both. So they did do both and they are available. I did know that men were saying, you know, they. They wanted something that they could go to too. So it is good that they do offer both men and women ones now. It wasn't that common years ago when I started.
So men benefit from men's groups focused on identity, vulnerability, mentorship and emotional safety.
And I think it's important because safe spaces help dissolve shame and isolation. So even just getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and doing things you never normally would do, I think that you can really excel from situations like that, especially if you lean into it and really try and absorb what the event is actually trying to give you. And I think that's when you really get the most out of these things. And I have facilitated at some, I have helped organize and I have attended some, and from all Aspects. It is a great, it is great for everyone. So yeah. And then we come to spiritual and intuitive guidance therapy. So this is using intuitive tools, tarot, mediumship, astrology, breath work, soul regression. It's all for insight and healing.
Women often more open to intuitive and symbolic healing tools and men may resonate more when linked to personal development purposes, purpose and life transitions. So this is great for soul searching and identity rebuilding after trauma or addiction.
And I will be having an addiction specialist on in a few weeks and I will mention that more next and on my post.
So I'll go into detail with that more at a later date.
So there are gender themes in therapy and the common focus areas for men is emotional regulation, anger, shame and identity, suppressed trauma, especially childhood or sexual trauma, purpose and role in family and work, disconnection and isolation, rebuilding after addiction or DV as victims or perpetrators even. Which is good that it covers that.
Common focus areas for women in this is self worth and people pleasing, mother wounds, matriarchal trauma, sexual and relation trauma, burnout from caregiving and emotional overload. I think I've had that a few times.
Reclaiming your voice, sensuality and independence and navigating perimenopause. Hello. I need to do this parenting and identity loss.
So I mean that's lots of information there and it is interesting because not a lot of people are aware of all these things and that's what we're covering on all the Things tonight. So I'm going to flick to a song and I'm going to go best of you. Cuz you may find the best of you after doing some of this therapy.
[00:34:48] Speaker A: Your voice, your community station. You are listening to IPL radio and.
[00:34:56] Speaker B: You'Re back in the studio for all the Things with Jen Jen tonight. We are missing Gail tonight. She's not well so shout out to Gail and I hope you feel better soon. So you stuck with me and I have had someone message in and ask me to explain the signs of a narcissist obviously because that's part of a lot of people's therapy at the moment and a lot of people are dealing with them.
So yeah, I have been asked to explain the signs of a narcissist.
And a narcissist is is it's a distorted sense of self importance and an inability or refusal to empathize with others and often masks deep insecurity or unhealed trauma for the narcissist but it then creates trauma for the the people that they abuse.
So the top 10 signs of a narcissist well, number one, they lack empathy. So they seem to unable or unwillingly unwilling to genuinely understand how you feel when you're upset. They might dismiss your feelings, accuse you of overreacting, or twist the conversation back to them. So it's like, I don't know why you're upset. You're always so sensitive.
That's them twisting it back around onto you.
So number two, I sign for a narcissist or spotting a narcissist is gaslighting. Now if you don't know what gaslighting is, it's when they distort your reality. So they make you doubt your memory, your perception or your sanity and you end up apologizing for things you didn't do or constantly second guessing yourself. So they'll say things like that never happened, or you're imagining things or you're crazy. And if, if this has happened to you, you can turn to yourself and go, am I crazy? You know, am I imagining things? And that's, that's what they try and do. They gaslight you so they make you doubt your own memory and perception or sanity.
That one's a big one. Actually, we do have love bombing at number three, so love bombing and devaluation.
So at first they'll overwhelm you with affection, gifts and intense attention. And that's what we call love bombing. Once you're emotionally invested, they'll start pulling away, criticizing and devaluing you. So early on in the equation, your Everything I've ever wanted is, is kind of how they'll make you seem, make you feel.
And then later on it'll be, you're too much, I can't deal with you. So they, they start off with the love bombing and then they turn it around and they start developing, devaluing you and criticizing you and it starts making you, questioning your own worth. And I mean, that's a big one because sometimes they do it over a long period of time and it's not so obvious and, and little bits and pieces. Over a long period of time, you will start losing your sense of self and your sense of self worth. And this is really, really traumatizing and it can be very damaging and you will need a lot of therapy from it. I have had to do a lot of therapy after experiencing part of my life with different narcissists.
So. Yeah, and number four is they have this sense of entitlement. They believe they're special and they deserve special treatment even when they haven't earned it. So they expect loyalty, attention, and praise, even if they don't return it.
So. And they'll say things like, you should be grateful I'm still here.
Now, I don't know how many of you have heard that, but that is because of their sense of entitlement.
And they do have a constant need for validation. So narcissists thrive on admiration. If they're not the center of attention, they will feel offended, ignored, and then they'll lash out. So social media and public image are often exaggerated.
Did you see how many people commented on my post? It's all about an instant gratification from validation.
And so they thrive, the attention.
But it's never, it's always about the Persona that they create.
And that's another thing. I'll talk about blame shifting and never apologizing. Well, they rarely if ever take responsibility.
Everything is always someone else's fault, usually yours.
If they do apologize, it's manipulative or followed by another hurtful action. I wouldn't have said that if you didn't make me angry. So basically blaming the person they're abusing for their behavior, they don't take any responsibility at all. So that is another trait of a narcissist.
Control and isolation are a big one. So, so subtly or overtly, they will start to control who you see, what you do and how you feel. And they may isolate you from family or friends and they may make you emotionally dependent on them.
So you know, you could hear things like, your friends are jealous of us, you don't need them. And they, they get to you in this way, so you think you just need them.
And then your whole life revolves around this person.
And then all of a sudden you've lost your support network and you've lost your. A part of yourself and your whole world is revolving around them. And then they can control you in that way.
So, and they've very often, one second, very often they are very envious and jealous. So they can't stand your growth, success, or attention from others. So they'll downplay your achievements and accuse you of betrayal when you succeed.
So, and then you may hear things like, you think you're better than me now, don't you? And that's because you know, they don't put the effort in, but they also don't want to see you succeed. So when something positive happens for you, they will downplay it and then make you feel bad for it.
And that comes from their, their jealousy and their envy.
So there is a trait called triangulation, and this is where they Pit people against each other to maintain control. So they will compare you to their exes. They'll flirt with others to make you feel insecure, and they'll spread lies to divide your support system.
So you might hear things like, my ex never complained like you do. And then you'll start thinking, oh, you know, and you know, you'll start questioning yourself.
So you're being compared to exes.
So, yeah, that then will make you feel insecure and then divide you from your support system.
So this one's a big one. So they do portray. And they do have a false self. It's almost like a Jekyll and Hyde Persona. So to everyone or to the public, they'll present a charming, charismatic face while being cruel and dismissive or emotionally volatile in private.
So you may feel like no one would believe what they. They really like.
And you know, they, you know, he's such a great guy or girl while you're breaking inside. And this is a big one. And I see this a lot, and a lot of people that do come to get help from myself at work today in particular was someone that's been victim to narcissist and gaslighting and love bombing. And it's heartbreaking to point out these things to someone who is still in love with this person. And they have this trauma bond.
And that could be from, you know, I mean, from the initial love bombing. And they, they portray themselves to be everything that you've ever wanted and they feel fulfill, that part of you that you've always yearned to have fulfilled. And then they kind of snatch it away from you slowly.
And then, you know, but you feel like you still need them because you're holding on to that part, that memory or that moment, that last time you felt happy. And even though it was love bombing or their false self, that was the last time you're happy. So you're kind of going to hold on to or think about. Okay, if you're going through depression and you're going through stuff with your partner and you try and think, oh, when? Back to when you're happy. And it would have been from the love bombing stage. And so quite often people get this trauma bond from that initial love bombing. And so that's why it's hard to break free from someone who has been narcissistically abusing you.
So that is. Yeah, so the trauma bond, even after all the hurt, you feel kind of addicted to them and you crave their validation and you fear being alone. And the highs are euphoric. And the lows are soul crushing. And the cycle just keeps kind of repeating itself. And sometimes people go through years of this and you just think, oh, you know, he's having a bad week. Or, you know, you can put it off to something and you can, you can try and blame it on something. I've spent a lot of my time hiding all the things that were happening to me and making out like I was fine and making out like everything was fine and really I was dying on the inside.
And then when it all blew up, you know, I didn't even bother telling my side of the story because I had done such a great job of portraying this person to be someone that I wanted everyone to think they were, someone that I actually initially thought they were.
And I did such a good job of it that, yeah, I just, I couldn't even explain to anyone I didn't want to. Anyone who knew me in the situation would know the truth and people will figure it out in the end, I think, you know, and I mean, the truth always comes out.
So there is that trauma bond and it can go on for years if you don't recognize these signs. And it is so important to become aware of these things. If you're stuck in this loop, it is soul crushing and it can create so much trauma in you that you will need to heal from it in so many different ways.
So if you are going through something similar and you do recognize some of these patterns, all these traits, you, you probably are stuck in that loop and you may want to get some help and you may want to branch out and, and, and reach out to your support network and yeah, try and get out of it because it will damage you and it will do terrible things not only to your mental health, but end up doing it to your physical health and to your self worth.
You know, you lose your whole identity by creating this Persona that you so badly want and you know that takes a long time to heal from.
So if you do recognize any of these, please get help.
And yeah, so that, that basically is the signs or the traits of a narcissist.
And thank you for requesting that information. Rent.
Always very helpful with all, all the things.
Did you have anything else to offer? I do have a little tech assistant tonight. Hang on. Let's have a look at this. What have we got here? They create arguments over nothing just to have a valid escape, to go cheat and when caught out will play we were not together and then they break you and suck you back in and promise never to do it again.
But the cycle continues and they never mean what they say. I love you or I will kill myself if you ever leave them. Or you will never see your kids again if you leave me, they will cut you off from family and friends and force your family and friends to leave. Yeah, so there's a few of the traits all caught up in that scenario there and that is a really common one.
Yeah, no worries, Ren. That is a really common one that I am.
I do see a lot of people and help them with a lot of these things and, and the narcissist abuse is becoming so prevalent.
So if you do recognize any of these, please do get help, please reach out.
Here's Halsey with Without Me.
[00:47:40] Speaker A: More music, Better Mental Health only on IPL Radio.
[00:47:48] Speaker B: And you're back in the studio with all the Things with Jen Jen on Tuesday night. It is 8:30, so we've got another half hour.
We were just talking about how to spot the traits of a narcissist. So I thought it would be a good idea to address how to heal after being subject to narcissistic abuse.
So I think that's really important to learn these things even. Especially if you've only just recognised that you have been subjected to it.
So one it is to accept that it was abuse even if they never hit you. So emotional abuse is still abuse. Gaslighting, manipulation, control and trauma bonding all count. The first step is acknowledging that it wasn't your fault and that you didn't imagine it. So you didn't overreact, you just adapted to survive. That is really important. That's your first step and it is important when you're going through the motions because obviously you will have no sense of self, you lose all sense of your self worth. So it is important to recognize that all those different traits, not physical, they're still abuse.
So it's probably best if you go no contact or as minimal contact as possible.
That is really crucial because narcissists thrive on keeping a hook on you.
So even if it's through rage or guilt, block their number, mute their socials, stop looking for closure if you co parent or work with them. And that's a hard one.
Learn grey rock techniques, keep it boring, factual and emotionless. Is that a good one? Yeah, that's a good one.
So a third one. The third one to do is to rebuild your reality after gaslighting. Now, narcissist abuse distorts your sense of truth and your self trust. So you should start with things like journaling your version of events, writing Everything down as you remember and what actually happened. Because they will differ from what's being said and what's being portrayed. And it is important even if you can't get your opinion or your side out there, if you journal it, you're still getting it out, you know, so that is important. So journal your version of events, affirming your intuition, what I feel is valid so no one can tell you your feelings are wrong because that's what how you feel.
So it is important to honor your own feelings, especially when they've been distorted for so long. And so if you're only just now getting a sense of self back that you can recognize what your real feelings are, then it is really important to honor those.
So what you feel is absolutely 100% valid.
And it is crucial to surround yourself with safe and validating people.
So obviously in the triangulation one they eliminate your support network.
So it is important to get that support network back and surround yourself with safe and validating people.
And therapy with someone trauma informed or abuse aware is is really important as well. And there are different therapies there available which I will go into.
So I know a lot of people have this attachment, it's a trauma bond and it is almost like an addiction to the person. And because you get stuck in this loop and that's all you know, it's almost. And I think they call it like Stockholm syndrome, where you crave your abuser or you almost addicted to that person and that validation or you want closure and you're never going to get that.
So it's important to grieve the loss of the dream, not the person themselves.
You're not grieving the narcissist, so to speak.
You're grieving the version of love you thought you had. It's the fantasy, the potential and the manipulation.
Let yourself feel the sadness and the rage and the confusion.
So it's important because you know, say to yourself, I love someone who never really existed. And that's okay. So you're grieving the loss of the dream, not the actual narcissist.
There's different ways to heal.
So somatically it's in your body too. So narcissistic abuse activates chronic stress and trauma responses. Fight, Flight. Flight, freeze and fawn. And there's frenzy now too.
So you need to do work on your nervous system regulation and you can do that with the different therapies I have mentioned. The breath work, the grounding, the chakra healing, the tapping, somatic healing. You can do that with all of those.
And it is vital that you reclaim your identity. So they may have shaped you in and dressed you and spoke, worked or even laughed.
They shaped all of those things.
So healing means remembering who you were before the gaslighting and giving yourself permission to evolve.
So try doing creative hobbies that you may have stopped and new affirmations of self worth.
And you want to do some mirror work and some self love rituals and writing a letter to your former self or, or your abuser, but don't send it. But writing a letter to your former self and being kind to yourself because you're not ever going to be that same person.
And that's kind of the whole point of these traumatic events. It's not to become who you were before, but it's to become a better version of that. Because now you're coming from, from a place of healing and you've now learned, you know, and you have to grow from that and recognize that, you know, write to your former self or acknowledge your former self, but know that you will never be that same person. You will be better because you'll be more informed and you're a survivor.
So there is a spiritual recovery so you can do cutting energetic ties. So narcissists often leave cords or imprints and residue in your energy field. Now this is something most people don't think of, but it is true. Support this with cord cutting, meditations, smoke cleansing, salt baths, paths, past life regression. That's a bit of a mouthful. So that's for karmic ties. And if they exist, that's an important one.
Ancestral healing for patterns like people pleasing or unworthiness.
There are different spiritual recovery techniques and yeah, so they do exist and they're there to help.
Another one is to rebuild your boundaries like a fortress. So healthy boundaries feel uncomfortable at first and oh my God, do they feel uncomfortable. Even the word no can be really, really daunting to someone that has been a people pleaser or been stuck in this loop.
And this was one of my biggest things, still is sometimes setting healthy boundaries and saying no and without giving a reason why no is enough. So setting healthy boundaries, if you were taught to self abandon love, practice saying that doesn't work for me, I don't owe you a response or I choose peace over pleasing. And so it is important and it starts with one no at a time and it gets easier, the nos get easier, trust me, me. But that is really vital to regaining yourself and getting stronger. Following the abuse.
It's important to reconnect with safe and regulated people. So your nervous system needs evidence of safe relationships. Again, whether it's friends or support groups, therapy or community, healing is relational.
I need a drink. Not one of those. I need some water.
You deserve kindness, respect and mutual energy. So it is important to reconnect with safe and regulated people and build your support network up with these safe people and speak your story if it feels safe. Shame dissolves the light.
So sharing your experience through writing, art or conversation helps transform that pain into power and helps others too.
So if you know you want to write, you survived, you've healed and you see clearly and you want to start sharing that.
But yeah, healing doesn't mean forgiving instantly or forgetting what happens. It means choosing yourself again and again until peace is louder than pain. And I think that's really important to remember.
There is a lot of help out there for people surviving narcissistic abuse and I will try and find a website and some links and I will post them up on the socials in a minute. I'm gonna cut to a song so I can have a drink of water.
Let's go with some Matchbox 20.
[00:57:00] Speaker A: Your voice, your community station. You are listening to IPL radio and.
[00:57:08] Speaker B: You'Re back in the studio with all the things with Jen. Jen. It's 852. We're nearly @ a close.
We've speaking, we've been speaking in detail about narcissist traits and how to heal after narcissistic abuse. I did want to mention some places you can get help if you recognize that you do need some. So there is the Women's Domestic violence helpline for WA which is 247 so any day, anytime.
1-800-007339. And there's also the national helpline 1-800-Respect.
So Australia's National Counseling and Referral service for family violence, domestic abuse, sexual assault and emotional abuse. So that's 1-800-737-732.
Relationships Australia. WA Family and Domestic Violence Support. They offer counseling and specialized family domestic violence programs for men, women and children.
So their phone number is 0861-640270.
We've also got LUMA Domestic Violence Advocacy Service in Perth. They offer confidential support support, risk assessment, safety planning, referrals to legal and counselling service and an on site legal support.
So that's Luma L U M for Mary A.
There's a centre for women's safety and well being. So Perth Family Violence Service. They provide advocacy, legal support, risk assessment and assistance with navigating family violence courts across the Perth metro. So they're phone number is 1-800-600476 and you've got the Patricia Giles Centre for Non Violence. So northern suburbs based support offering crisis advocacy, safety planning, counseling and referrals for those escaping coercive control. That's something I'm going to talk about next week.
And their Telephone number is 089-300-0340.
So if you are recognizing any of these or you are a, a survivor and you do need to get help, please seek any of those links that I've just named and I will put them up on the socials.
And yeah, I'm just going to cut to a song and then we'll close the show.
[00:59:42] Speaker A: Your voice, your community station, you are listening to IPL Radio and you're back.
[00:59:50] Speaker B: In the studio with Jen Jen for All the Things Tuesday night. That's the end of the show. Thank you for joining us or joining me actually.
Hopefully Gail is feeling better and we'll be back next week. So yeah. Thank you for listening to all the Things with Jen Jen at IPL Radio.
[01:00:09] Speaker A: Your voice, your community station, you are listening to IPL Radio.
